My perceived shortcomings were haunting me – actually torturing and driving my motivations.
I realized too many of my actions were not fueled by my own dreams and desires but by what I thought I needed to be in order to be of value to the world.
If only I looked fitter, I’d feel happier.
If only I proved myself intellectually, I’d feel valued.
If only I made an Olympic team, I’d feel successful.
“If only’s” ran my life.
I created an invisible panel of judges who always thought what I did was never enough.
I continued to train harder and harder. I continued to push myself in an effort to meet the expectations of these strangers, even when I had a team of loving supporters right in front of my face.
My family was begging me to come back to reality and be present with them. All of these factors led to a pivotal moment where I was forced to reexamine my motivations and start living a full and present life.